Why I feel peace about staying in Memphis

If you know me personally, you know that I have had a rough year. If you don't know me personally, here is the short tale. I moved 16 hours from my parents and 6 hours from my sister to a town where I didn't know anyone to teach. At the beginning, I really felt that God had called me here. It had just fallen together in the perfect way. I spent my first year of teaching in a classroom, and my head spun. I doubted whether I should continue teaching. I felt completely lost. I couldn't find a church home. I called my mom crying at least once a week (or 5 or 6 times a week...). I took a brief break from loneliness from October-February when I dated a wonderful man who might have had a few problems, but I was sure that he was the one. As you can see that the above time length ends in February, you may have guessed: he's not the one. Beginning in March, I gave up on Memphis. I started rabidly applying to jobs in Chattanooga to be close to my sister. I craved being close to family and being able to watch my niece and nephew grow up. I even had a job interview in June that went amazingly well with a principal. However, the school system would not release my application to the principal--apparently I didn't fit their current needs. I was broken. I wanted to curse at God, who I had progressively distanced myself from during the year because I was mad. I was disgusted that He had brought me to Memphis to just leave me.

Deep breath. I was driving to Nashville to catch a flight to Orlando for our family Disney trip. During the three and a half hours that I drove at the break of day, I listened to my Francesca Battistelli CD and felt the most peace with God as I had felt in a long time. I didn't know why, but I just feel like everything will be okay. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7) God was finally intervening in my self-deprecating, self-absorbed, victimized thought cycle and granting me peace, even though I REALLY don't deserve that peace, based on my behavior for the past year.

So, I feel peace about staying here at least another year. I think God has a lot to teach me about who I am, both as a teacher and as a person. And who knows, perhaps one day He will grant my heart's desire to have my family nearby. But if not, I know He'll have my best interest close to His heart. Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? (Matthew 6:26)

P.S. It's been almost 2 years since I blogged, and I probably won't blog any more often, but my heart needed to pour this out. Thanks for listening.


This is a part of the "Why I" carnival on vanderbiltwife.com. Link up!

Writing a book

Today I went to the Imagination Prompt Generator. It says, "The book you want to write. What will be in it?"

If I were a talented writer, I would write a HILARIOUS novel about being a Christian single. There are so many situations I've been in as a Christian single girl and have heard from my friends that were absolutely absurd, that if I could figure out a plot line to string them all together, I would love to make it into a book.

Here is my favorite story that has happened to me:
The time some creepy guys at singles group talked to me, and tried to impress me by telling me that they had just finished recovery, the guy owned his own painting business, etc. Then gave the superb pickup line of asking what my favorite Bible verse was, and invited me to Bible study at their house (which I'm pretty sure consisted of just the two of them). I was so incredibly creeped out, I scrambled to get all of my things together, and their parting words? "You can remember our names (Brad and George) because of Brad Pitt and George Clooney." At least they were right about one thing. I have never forgotten their names.

mawwige...mawwige is what brings us togevver today.

Title is courtesy of one of my favorite movies ever... the Princess Bride!

The topic is courtesy of my sister and her husband's 5th anniversary.

Here are this single girl's musings on marriage.

1. It is a beautiful thing.


2. Its not about the wedding.
--as much as all of us un-married girlies like to plan our weddings in theory, it's only one day. If people put as much work into marriage as they put into pulling off beautiful weddings, I think that divorce wouldn't be as crazy rampant as it is. I have been lucky enough to have several beautiful examples of REAL marriage in my life. My parents have been married for 31 years. I have lived with them for 24 of those years. And I have never EVER doubted for a moment that my parents loved each other. And now, my sister and her hubby have been married for 5 years. True love is kinda cute. Not gonna lie.

(p.s. I love the ideas of leopard print shoes hiding under a wedding dress. that's hot.)

3. It is work.
--Whoever penned the phrase "...and they lived happily ever after..." should be shot. Honestly, are you serious? Do you think that Belle and the Beast lived the rest of their days smiling at each other, waking up with no bed head, and he never had any relapses of the "I told you never to come here!!!!" moments? Did he just wake up differently one morning, changing his habits over night? No. It's gotta be work. (Although, neither Belle or the Beast had mothers-in-law, so that had to simplify something... :-D). How about Prince Phillip and Sleeping Beauty? They sang one song together, she almost died (slept 100 years...died...really, what's the diff?), and then they got married. I'm sure they had a huge wakeup call shortly after the honeymoon. And really, he's my favorite (and clearly the most handsome) Disney Prince. If he has issues, who wouldn't?

4. It is worth it.

--I can only say this from what my favorite married people have told me. Having someone who knows you inside and out, and still loves you...that must rock. Waking up beside your best friend every day. Having someone greet you with a smile when you come home from work, and actually wonder how your day was. The SAME person giving you a kiss before you leave for work in the morning... Someone to support the decisions you have to make together, someone to have children with, someone to lean on when you feel like you can't stand alone anymore...

Dear future husband,
I so look forward to life with you. Not a perfect life. Not an easy life. But a life together.

Ashley
me and my sis on her wedding day

Laughter.

Plinky prompt: What makes someone funny to you? Everyone has a different sense of humor. What makes you laugh?

EVERYTHING! I have a crazy sense of humor...I LOVE America's Funniest Home videos. People getting scared silly makes me laugh so hard that I think that I will pee in my pants. In fact, here is a link to one that makes me laugh so hard that I cry: People Getting Scared

My friends definitely make me laugh. Sheetal, Michelle, Denise, and I can get pretty silly after our small group on Friday nights. The later it gets...the more out of control we get.

Babies laughing. The purity of the laughter, the simplicity...it's just contagious.

More linky goodness of things that make me laugh:

1. LOLCats
2. Stuff Christians Like
3. Amy Beth
4. Bon Qui Qui
5. Anjelah Johnson Nail Salon Sketch
6. John Pinette

blogging fail.

I am a blogging failure, I know. I don't think anyone reads it, so I'm not real sure where the motivation for blogging should come from. My blessed sister manages to blog almost every day! And ABB from Ministry So Fabulous has been blogging on an international trip! I really have no excuse other than to say...I am motivationally challenged.

Maybe if I had a prompt-per-day I would do better. Any suggestions?

The cry of my heart

"This might hurt
It’s not safe
But I know that I’ve gotta make a change
I don’t care
If I break
At least I’ll be feeling something
‘Cause just ok
Is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don’t wanna go through the motions
I don’t wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything?
Instead of going through the motions

No regrets
Not this time
I’m gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love
Make me whole
I think I’m finally feeling something

Take me all the way
Take me all the way
Take me all the way"

-"The Motions" by Matthew West

Goal #2

Goal #1 is in the process of being accomplished--opened savings account today.

Goal #2- Figure out the best way to finish out school so I can be teaching in a classroom ASAP. I work as a one-on-one instructional assistant, and I have found that I do better working with various children, not focusing on one all day. With more than one, they are (usually) not all misbehaving at the same time, and can balance each other out. With working with just one, if they have a bad day, you have a bad day. I take things so personally, and when he is not behaving well, I feel like I've failed. I really love kids, but am working hard to convince myself that I still want to be a teacher. I just have to rest in the promises that God has planted in my heart about my calling, and what gifts he has given me.

Until then, I will just have to look at pictures of this adorable niece I've got--and remember all the blessings he has given me.














<3