Why I feel peace about staying in Memphis

If you know me personally, you know that I have had a rough year. If you don't know me personally, here is the short tale. I moved 16 hours from my parents and 6 hours from my sister to a town where I didn't know anyone to teach. At the beginning, I really felt that God had called me here. It had just fallen together in the perfect way. I spent my first year of teaching in a classroom, and my head spun. I doubted whether I should continue teaching. I felt completely lost. I couldn't find a church home. I called my mom crying at least once a week (or 5 or 6 times a week...). I took a brief break from loneliness from October-February when I dated a wonderful man who might have had a few problems, but I was sure that he was the one. As you can see that the above time length ends in February, you may have guessed: he's not the one. Beginning in March, I gave up on Memphis. I started rabidly applying to jobs in Chattanooga to be close to my sister. I craved being close to family and being able to watch my niece and nephew grow up. I even had a job interview in June that went amazingly well with a principal. However, the school system would not release my application to the principal--apparently I didn't fit their current needs. I was broken. I wanted to curse at God, who I had progressively distanced myself from during the year because I was mad. I was disgusted that He had brought me to Memphis to just leave me.

Deep breath. I was driving to Nashville to catch a flight to Orlando for our family Disney trip. During the three and a half hours that I drove at the break of day, I listened to my Francesca Battistelli CD and felt the most peace with God as I had felt in a long time. I didn't know why, but I just feel like everything will be okay. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7) God was finally intervening in my self-deprecating, self-absorbed, victimized thought cycle and granting me peace, even though I REALLY don't deserve that peace, based on my behavior for the past year.

So, I feel peace about staying here at least another year. I think God has a lot to teach me about who I am, both as a teacher and as a person. And who knows, perhaps one day He will grant my heart's desire to have my family nearby. But if not, I know He'll have my best interest close to His heart. Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? (Matthew 6:26)

P.S. It's been almost 2 years since I blogged, and I probably won't blog any more often, but my heart needed to pour this out. Thanks for listening.


This is a part of the "Why I" carnival on vanderbiltwife.com. Link up!